Comments on: Attachment and reliance on a therapist

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:14:07 +0000

I agree that the hatred is because Liz threatens their status quo. She is aware of the hatred, although hasn’t actually experienced it.

While I agree with you and David about telling of my past experiences with therapists, it also feels like I’m telling tales. It’s also a very skewed view, as my distortions in thinking and perception mean that I don’t see the whole picture in a therapy situation. So these poor therapists might be brilliant and doing everything right, I’m just the arch-typical “bad client”. I’ve mentioned little bits, but I will need to go over some of it in more detail.

Thank you and take care,
CG

By: Paul

Paul — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:44:56 +0000

It’s the parts of you who actively hate her who are in the most need of healing. They only hate her so much because they know that she threatens their normal coping. Liz has many strengths. I think she is committed to helping you. I know trust for you is hard. I agree with David that it’s important to let Liz know how you’ve been treated in therapy in the past.

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:22:58 +0000

Thank you for the tip David… I’m not quite sure what I’ll do, but I need to do something.

By: David

David — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:44:00 +0000

Right there with you, darling — I have no clue how in the world to develop an attachment to my excellent therapist, though I think she is in fact trustworthy.

When I told her this, one of the first things she encouraged me to do was to tell her how other therapists had let me down, so we could discuss in what ways my experience with her might be different, or similar. It did help me to gain a sense of where her weaknesses and boundaries are, and her honesty was useful in helping me to see her as trustworthy.

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:51:25 +0000

Thank you Sarah, what you’ve said makes sense and helps to ease some of my fears. I think trust is going to be like dipping my toe in the water for the first time – very tentative and withdrawn quite often.

Take care,
CG

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:49:24 +0000

Thank you (((Kerro)))… I’m trying…

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:47:37 +0000

In some respects Ivory, I expect Liz to fail miserably. I don’t expect perfection, instead I’m going to be waiting for her to fail, which I know she will at some stage because of the human error factor. I’m just not sure I can cope with the errors that are going to occur. I’m not sure the system can cope with trusting another person who will fail us at some point. But I also know we can’t go on as we are… So I have to decide which is worse.

By: Kerro

Kerro — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:41:15 +0000

Sarah, wow, that is so true.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:23:46 +0000

Oh, this sounds so familiar. It’s terrifying to learn to trust again. When I hit this point with my therapist, what finally got me past the sticking point was the realization that trust is given moment to moment, and can always be withdrawn. But yeah, that first moment is a doozy.

Good luck.

By: Kerro

Kerro — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:08:45 +0000

Oh CG, I’m so sorry you are struggling. Learning to trust again when our trust has been so heinously broken is one of the hardest parts of healing, but also one of the most important.

I will never forget the day my therapist said, “Stop carrying this sh*t around with you all the time. Leave it with me for awhile.” At the time I didn’t understand why she’d want to do that, or if she could stand the ugliness. I also thought she would think I was too hideous and throw me away. But she didn’t. She could hold the ugly. She continues to hold the ugly with me. That is so very powerful, and so very healing.

Can you talk to Liz about your fears, and what Carol did? Would that help to ease the way? I suggest small steps – try a little bit, then if that’s ok, a little bit more.

As for needing help, I know. It’s weak and pathetic, right? Wrong. A very dear friend said to me only recently that we shouldn’t be afraid to reach out, others are there for us and will help us. I am here for you, just as you are for me. ;P I’m proud of you for reaching out to Liz when you need to!

Please take care, let me know how it goes with Liz.

(((CG))) Safe ones, of course.