Comments on: Friendship and safety

By: Attachment and reliance on a therapist | Scattered pieces

Attachment and reliance on a therapist | Scattered pieces — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:03:33 +0000

[...] mentioned previously that I exhibit avoidance behaviours – this is especially true of my relationship with [...]

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:39:37 +0000

Hi Marj,

Is this really the sort of thing you’re looking for? If so, I’d be happy to submit it for the carnival… I agree that carnival is a great example of solidarity, combined strength and courage.

Sorry if it seems as if I’m looking for praise, I just never think anything I do is good enough. I’ll check out the guidelines for this months topic and see if anything I’ve done is more suitable :)

Take care,
CG

By: marj aka thriver

marj aka thriver — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:39:24 +0000

I’m pretty much in the same boat as you are with friendships. I also feel safe and supported here online. Thank God for the Internet! ;)

One of the reasons I do The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is for the survivor solidarity and support we can give each other. I’m hosting this month’s carnival at my own blog this time, in honor of World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse which is on Thursday. Do you have a post you could submit? This one is an excellent survivor topic, or you could pick another. Thanks for considering!

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:03:14 +0000

I think that’s what I like about the online friendships. All of them read this blog, or know about it, yet they still want to talk to me – they know my crazy and seem to take it in their stride. I suppose it’s true that we feel crazier than we appear to others.

I’m glad you’re able to maintain those friendships Kerro…

Take care,
CG

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:59:49 +0000

I understand the concept of a “family of choice” that you describe in regards to your friend Paul, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever get there. I know that I should be working more on friendships in real life, but it’s not something that I even have a desire for. My cynical work friend is possibly the closest that I get to a friend, but there are barriers (of my own making) which make it impossible to go over that line into friendship outside of work.

I suppose it’s healing to know that I have those traits :) I can more easily identify them now.

Take care,
CG

By: Kerro

Kerro — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:16:07 +0000

Friendship – true friendship – really is “like getting a warm safe hug”. I have a few very dear friends irl, and it’s just like this – as it can be online.

There is something special about online friends though. Or at least the ones we meet here. They know us – I mean they really know us – and, well, blow me if they’re still not our friends. ;)

I feel truly grateful for my friends – online and irl.

I don’t see you as avoidant either. And I think every step you take is another step towards healing.

By: Paul

Paul — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:23:21 +0000

This is really nice! I also value the people I have met online. My best best friend is someone I met nearly 10 years ago online. Now she’s hardly online at all but we talk on the phone all the time and I feel like she’s my sister, and I know she feels the same way towards me.

It’s relatively rare to find such a friend though. I am glad you did.

I also think it’s important to find ways to build friendships that you can have face-to-face. I think there’s great value in being able to go to coffee with someone or to the movies. Someone who you can feel comfortable with and who you don’t have to be superficial with. These are hard too.

I don’t see you as avoidant, by the way. I see you as hurt and that gets in the way. But you are healing, and I think that helps change things.

Paul